NOAH'S ARK, A MODERN TALE

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In the six months, I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, two of
every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."

And in a flash of lightening He delivered the specifications for an Ark.

"OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."

Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping, and there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "Where is my Ark?" A lightening bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah. "Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I
did my best, but there were big problems."

First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet the Code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then, I got into a big flight over whether or not the
Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. Then, the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a  settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Then, I started 16 carpenters to working on the boat.

Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind and still no owls. Just when I got the Animal Rights law suit dismissed, EPA
notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

And the IRS (the tax authorities) has seized all my assets claiming that I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. "I really don't
think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.  "You mean you're not going to destroy the Earth?" Noah asked hopefully. "Wrong" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with SOMETHING MAN INVENTED himself."

"What's that?" asked Noah.

There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke.  "Government."

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